Don’t Do It To Me, Bears

tommyrees

For four years I had to deal with Tommy Rees when I didn’t want to. It started when Dayne Crist, who was supposed to be the latest savior quarterback at Notre Dame got hurt and had to be replaced by Rees. Rees took over the starting job and showed us all exactly who Tommy Rees would be, even if we didn’t totally realize it at the time.

Then Everett Golson came along, and though he was a redshirt freshman, he helped lead Notre Dame to a 12-0 season and an appearance in the BCS title game. Yeah, the Irish got shellacked, but Golson may have been their best player in the game, and the promise of his future was bright.

And then Golson had problems with his grades and got booted out of school. Once again, in 2013, Tommy Rees would ride as Notre Dame’s starting quarterback. But then it happened. The 2013 season came to an end, and Tommy Rees was out of eligibility. He was going to get his degree from Notre Dame, and then he was going to be out of my life forever.

But maybe he isn’t.

According to the Sun-Times, Rees will be part of a local pro day on Friday — which will also include Northern Illinois’ Jordan Lynch — for local college players to essentially try out for the Bears. These pro days are done to give teams an idea of players they’d potentially sign — or even draft, but they usually go undrafted — later this spring. Which means that Tommy Rees is a quarterback that the Bears could potentially sign.

Which means that Tommy Rees could potentially be in a Bears uniform this fall.

Which means that I could potentially have to deal with watching Tommy Rees stepping in for my team’s injured starter and begin unleashing red zone interceptions.

Oh god.

Oh god.

Why?

I’m not a religious man, but if there is a god, WHAT DID I DO, LORD? WHY HATH THOU FORSAKEN ME? I AM FORSOOK! TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO, LORD! TELL ME HOW I CAN RID MY SOUL OF TOMMY REES BEFORE HE SUCKS IT OUT FROM ME!

Please, Bears. I am begging you. Don’t do it. I don’t care if Marc Trestman is the Quarterback Whisperer. I don’t care if he can turn Tommy Rees into a Hall of Fame quarterback. In fact, I hope Tommy Rees does become a Hall of Fame quarterback. I have nothing against him personally, and as a Notre Dame player, I’d like to see him succeed.

I would just prefer to see it in any other uniform than the Chicago Bears.

I did my time with Tommy, and I’m pretty sure the Constitution says you can’t punish me for the same crime — caring too much! — twice. I know my rights. I took that class in eighth grade.

I’ll sue if I have to. Don’t make me.

Keep up to date with everything in Chicago sports by following The Chicago Homer on Twitter.

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