The Mailbag: Let’s Get Pissed Off At Some Letters

trumpsign

Welcome to The Chicago Homer’s Mailbag. It runs once a week unless it doesn’t, and in it I answer questions from readers via Twitter or email. The questions can be about any damn thing you please, and there likely isn’t a question I won’t answer. There may be questions I can’t answer, but I’ll try.

If you’d like to submit a question for the next edition of the mailbag it’s pretty simple. Either ask the question on Twitter using the #AskTCH hashtag — as long as you use the hashtag I will see it — or send an email to TCHMailbag@gmail.com.

And now that you know how to do it, let’s get to the this week’s questions.

I haven’t been doing this mailbag all that long, but in its short history the majority of questions I’ve received from all of you have been about sports. Chicago sports in particular. This isn’t unexpected, as this is a Chicago sports site, but I must admit there are times when I wish you would send in more “off-topic” questions.

I don’t know what was in the water this week, but my wish came true.

We’ve got some non-sports questions, a couple straight up weird questions, and a bit of sports queries mixed in for flavor. It’s a good group. A weird group.

Everybody at work has been talking about Donald Trump putting his name on his building. When did people get so passionate about buildings? – Krieger

I truly have no idea. I know that architecture and Chicago are two things that have gone hand in hand since the city’s rebirth after the fire, but nobody I know ever really talked about it. At least, not in my presence. Now suddenly there is many a sensibility being offended that a man put his name on a building he owns.

We travel through this city every day and while we’re dodging potholes on roads chewed up by a terrible winter, we’re surrounded by advertising every where we look. On billboards, on buses, on some cars, and on the sides of buildings.

Buy this! Buy that! This will solve all your problems! Wife not so attractive anymore? Take this pill!

We don’t bat an eyelash because we’re used to it, but suddenly five letters go on the side of building and everybody loses their shit.

The fact is, were the word being put on the building not Trump, and were the man doing it not Donald Trump, nobody would give a fuck. The people complaining could give a shit about the building itself, they just want to be pissed off at Donald Trump. And it’s an urge I understand, because Donald Trump is an insufferable asshole.

But he’s also an insufferable asshole who injected a bit of cash into the city’s economy during the construction of the building, and a little more now that it’s complete. Maybe even enough cash to fix all the god damn potholes.

I’m certainly hoping the Bulls make a trade this summer, I just want it to be a trade that ends with Kevin Love, or even Carmelo Anthony. There was that report earlier this week about the Bulls talking about trading their picks to the Denver Nuggets for the No. 11, though, with the thought being the Bulls could use that pick to draft Nik Stauskas or Gary Harris.

As for using those two picks to get into the top ten, you’d have to find a willing partner. I can’t help but think that any team currently in the top ten that wants to trade out is going to want a player that can help immediately in return, not two draft picks outside the lottery.

So if the Bulls are going to trade their draft picks I think they’d be best utilized as part of a sign-and-trade for either Love or Anthony. And if you didn’t hear the news from earlier today, it appears the chances of landing Anthony have increased in the last 24 hours.

Have you ever seen the torso of a Ken doll? Is that what you want your chest to look like? Plus, without nipples, what would we tweak and rub in public to make the people we’re with feel exceedingly uncomfortable?

Start rubbing your junk in public and the police might get involved, but nipples will do nothing but bring uneasy stares.

Though if you’re looking for the scientific reason it’s because when humans are conceived we’re all female. It’s only after a little while that men start becoming men, and the reason that evolution hasn’t disposed of the male nipple over time is because the male nipple is completely harmless, and therefore there’s no reason to get rid of it.

Plus, you know, the tweaking.

I think the natural reaction at this point is TRADE HIM. That seems to be the plan with everybody on the Cubs any time they aren’t considered the future and they’re playing well, but you know what?

I’d keep Valbuena.

He’s having an awesome season, and though I don’t expect him to have a .388 OBP for the rest of his career, he’s only 28 and could be entering his “prime” or whatever you want to call it. Plus he’s versatile, as he can play any infield position you want him to, and he’d probably be decent in left field if you needed him to go out there as well.

That’s a useful player. If the Cubs are going to spend some money this winter like Hoyer said they plan to earlier this week, Valbuena is the kind of player you can really use on a winner. Plus, while he can hit home runs once in a while, Mike Olt isn’t exactly showing himself to be your third baseman of the future, and Kris Bryant may not stick at third base long-term.

Why not have Valbuena around as an option at third for the next few seasons? Hell, if anything, I’d try moving Darwin Barney in a trade just so I could get Valbuena in the lineup every day. You can put Olt at third against lefties and just move Valbuena to second on those days. Sure, he doesn’t hit lefties nearly as well, but he’s still managing an OPS of .638 against them, which is slightly better than Barney’s .630.

So while I wouldn’t go signing him to a long-term deal, I think Luis Valbuena has a lot more value to the Cubs as a player than a trade chip.

Yes, they turn on, and considering the lights in your vehicle are probably in front of you, you’ll see the light too.

SUCK ON THAT, NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON, I KNOW SCIENCE (unless I’m totally wrong, if that’s the case, I was only joking! Haha! I’m hilarious!).

Does the United States have any chance of getting out of its group in the World Cup? — Eric Stone

The easy answer here is no, and I don’t think the USMNT is going to get out of group play. Germany and Portugal are just too damn tough, and Ghana has historically been a pain in the ass for the Americans.

That being said, Cristiano Ronaldo is still dealing with a leg injury, and if he can’t go the Portuguese aren’t nearly as strong without him. That could give the USMNT a window to get into the top two, but unless they get the full three points against Ghana on Monday, they aren’t going to have a chance.

So, right now, yes, they have a chance. Not a very good one, but they have a chance. Whether they still will on Tuesday I don’t know.

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Keep up to date with everything in Chicago sports by following The Chicago Homer on Twitter.

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5 thoughts on “The Mailbag: Let’s Get Pissed Off At Some Letters

  1. Sorry to offer a serious rebuttal but you started it.

    That corner of the Mag Mile is iconic, one of the architectural locations that define the city to the world. It instantly says, “Chicago.” There are no other similar signs in the area for that very reason.

    What Trump essentially did is lift his leg and piss all over a landmark. I could care less if it’s Donald Trump or the Dalai Llama.* The sign is an eyesore and a giant “fuck you” to a city he openly and unapologetically hates.

    If you’re cool with someone dissing your city, then, who cares. But if you love Chicago, you’ll hate this sign. Period.

    *The irony is, the Trump Building is universally lauded for its beauty and architectural significance. Trump enhanced his brand with it, then threw it all away to be a dick. Big surprise.

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